Thank you, so very much.
Alexa, play Eternal Sunshine by Jhené Aiko.
You know I’m not much of a writer — I’m actually really terrible at it. As most of you know, I’ve always enjoyed expressing myself through photos and videos since pictures speak a thousand words — videos a million. I do however enjoy being able to try different mediums because I feel that when I do so, it exercises parts of my brain I haven’t used before and elicits different ways of thinking I haven’t previously thought of contemplating on.
“How are you?”
In retrospect, this year’s been a lot. The worst part is that it’s not even done yet haha. Lately, I’ve been noticing a lot of my friends expressing a plethora of events that have happened to me within the past six months, and to be quite frank with you, I haven’t really noticed until now.
From the start of the pandemic in March, I moved back to my parents’ apartment back in Oregon for seven weeks only with my spring clothes in hand because I didn’t anticipate staying there for more than spring break. Oh yeah, and it was still 37 degrees and snowing — love that ;’) Upon going back to Davis to bask in my last weeks as a senior, I was stressed about finding a job in this pandemic like all my fellow peers were. On top of that, dealt with a new sub-leaser who moved in two weeks before school ended and drastically changed how and my housemates and I lived. Longest story short, there was a “gun” involved but that’s for another time. Fast forward to getting a job in the Bay Area, commuting for 1.5 hrs at 4 am every day until moving to East Bay and working at 5 am all the time. Parents moved back to SoCal. Three weeks in and me realizing I wanted a career change and pursuing something totally different than what I studied in the past four years. Connecting with people and actually pursuing what I want to do. Mental and physical health degrading because of work and it’s different characters, leading to me to quit without a job lined up…
Sorry, didn’t want it to get too sad but that’s just a snapshot of what’s actually been going on. It’s all common knowledge but social media is a facade of my actual reality and what looked like me traveling across all of California was honestly just me trying to get away from my problems — trying to reset before I have to go back to a place I didn’t want to be in.
Enough about me!
Despite all the mess that was going on, I remained sane and level headed because of the realization of my family and friends. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday because I am so thankful to God for placing these people in my life. These people have been instrumental in my mental clarity lately and I truly think about these people all the time because I really care for them. They mean so much to me! It takes a whole village, but I wouldn’t be where I am today if it weren’t for these people.
Also a note, please do not be discouraged if you’re not on this list! These are simply a few people who very recently have just witnessed me during this tumultuous time. That being said and in no particular order, I present to you my round of thanks.
Charlene
The yin to my yang. Dude, we’re honestly really different but I think numerous people put us together more in that sense more than our parallels. It’s crazy to me how one of us always feels the opposite of one another but I feel like that’s by design since that’s the beauty of our complementation.
I still remember how we met in the DC freshmen year and how I tried to finesse my British accent with you but you saw right through my facade. I think that’s why I love you so much because you’re so real and I saw that aspect right then and there. I knew I had to get to know you better or that we were bound to meet again. I’ve been very transparent with you in how I felt when I first met you because you were oozing with big edge energy from that unif sports bra and vintage thrifted jacket. I thought you could beat me up and I was scared of you but in a good way.
It’s all a facade
Little did I know, that too was also a facade. You’re the biggest sweetheart I know and you have such a big heart for people. I know you feel like you’re a mess at times, but I just want to say that you’re a hot mess and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise! I believe we influence each other for the better and we get so many things from each other. I am also thankful for you because you are the sole person that introduced me to film photography and your transition from digital to film mirrors your change of values from the artificial to real-life moments and experiences that I long for. Your Japan film photos are legendary and there’s a sort of realness you can’t replicate.
When I am sad, you’re happy. When I’m energetic, you’re tired, the list goes on but despite how polar we can be, there’s always this sort of balance that’s equilibrated — and that’s so sexy. You’ve seen me at my lows and most importantly you were there when life wasn’t too hot either. I leave every conversation with you feeling better than I did before and there are just so many DMCs (deep meaningful convos) that we’ve touched on. I miss having laughs in person with you and skating with you OH and dressing with you because YOU KNOW WE BOTH LOOK GOOD HAHA! Charlene, I hope one day when you live in Japan I can visit you where we can just hang and chill in Shibuya and take film photos together like we did in my dreams. Manifesting that and manifesting all my love for you my friend. Much love xx
emILY
Ah yes what can I say? For those that don’t know her, she’s been a homie since we were kids in elementary school singing with me in church choir and for the longest time, also hated me. I couldn’t stand this girl because she always made me cry and bullied me LOL. Sad to say we actually became friends after we had a mutual person we didn’t like in choir too! She’s really feisty, a boss a$$ binch at heart, and the biggest hustler I know.
A friendship of 12 years I would say, and it’s been such a blessing to grow up with you. To think that we knew what we wanted to be in middle school and talking about our futures in high school, going through college — its mind-blowing to me that were at this point where we’ve achieved those dreams in moving up the socioeconomic ladder, and dedicating it to the people that mean the most to us: our parents. I have always admired your love for your family and few understand the extent of what our families go through just to make it out here. I’ve admired your humility for the longest time and you have always been such a role model in so many ways! Thank you so much for always keeping in touch throughout these years and valuing my opinions and thoughts. It warms me to know that people view me as someone that matters and you’re a huge reason for that.
My favorite part of our friendship is when we can just sit in a car and reminisce/be introspective on life. I’ve always down for a DMC, as you are the sole creator for that acronym and it should be respected as credit is due. It’s no secret I get all my cool words from you and I hope people realize that you’re the real OG. 2020 has thrown so many things at the both of us, but you’ve always been resilient and I have no doubt about it that you’ll be able to overcome whatever obstacle goes your way. I’m so incredibly proud to call you my friend and seriously can’t wait for what’s ahead.
#DCAKES
hehehehe “what does dcakes even mean?” Let’s just say we had an unhealthy obsession at the time :) I mean, it was better than “APUSH VIRTUAL STUDY GROUP,” am I right? Established in 2014, till this day we wonder how we all managed to click as a group since were all so different. Perhaps it was the shared interests that either two or three of us shared, and those interests were later shared with the latter.
There’s something about the crazy laughs that we share that simply cannot be replicated… It’s the type of laugh where it’s barely audible and slight controlled breaths are in its place as your stomach clenches, just waiting to grasp another breath. These laughs I dearly miss and are always present when we’re all together. I love how Frances is the mom of our group and always looks after us, I love how Josephine is super blunt yet understanding, I love how Natasha is always there to support and listen to you when you need it, and I love how Daniel never ceases to amaze me with the endless knowledge he knows about the world — music, pop culture, etc. Individually you all are so accomplished in your own ways, and I get such a big smile on my face knowing that y’all are mine!
I’m taken back to 2019 where it just felt so surreal when you all managed to come and visit me in NorCal. Housing the four of you was such a pleasure and I long for our next adventure in the city. We’ve all grown in so many ways, and this trip was really important to me because not only was it showing you guys my home, but it was an affirmation of why we stayed friends.
Whether it’s in the bay or LA, I know wherever we are, we’ll stay connected. Personally, thank you all for caring for me during this crazy time, being able to talk to you guys over video chat and in-person, etc. about it all was incredibly therapeutic. Excited and hopeful for our next adventures, or our next video chat :)
CJ
Talking about dcakes wouldn’t be complete without talking about our bff, our internet friend, CJ. Christian Joaquin on sunshine. We became friends with him over OMEGLE and we became incredibly close online to the point we would video chat over skype EVERY SINGLE DAY — sometimes hours on end until 2 or 3 AM when we knew we had class the next day. In high school, all of us could barely drive, and considering that he’s our internet friend in LA seemed so far and distant away, yet he managed to see everyone except me a year or two after we met online. Four years went by and to be quite honest, keeping up in college was difficult since we all had started our lives, our social circles got bigger and we found ourselves lost in the sea of the internet. I am not sure what occurred to me and exactly how but we ended up talking and reconnecting after years of disconnect.
Perhaps it was the recent realization and inquiry about Product Design that led me to talk to you, but with that aside, I was more interested and how you were because I missed talking with CJ on the daily. There’s a sort of inclusion and safe space that you create (online hehe) that allows people to feel welcome and feel as if they mattered. You’re always so eager to connect people and I’ve always admired you for that. As I said previously, CJ the reason why I’ve always wanted to keep up with you is that you matter in my life and I care! I feel undeserving for someone so cool in my life — So good looking, contagious laughter, kind as hell, oh the list goes on. Thank you for everything my friend, the talks we’ve had made me less lonely and comforted me in ways you don’t even know. So grateful for you man.
Alan
My Indonesian brother from a Padang mother wsupp. In this world, it’s so easy to be lost, but there are always people along the way that’s been through similar things and just get you — this is exactly Alan. Every time we talk I really wish I could just record everything because with every convo, I come out learning something new, as Alan is someone I’ve always respected for his views and outlook on life. He's my main source for music and RnB, his voice beautiful btw. He won’t post much on social media but I can say I’m spoiled for seeing Alan firsthand a bunch cuz he always blows me away with things he does. Quietly doing things whether it’s curating his plant collection, trying a new recipe, watching tiny desks on the TV, or Netflix. Living. Real sh*t you know.
Going through college with him, it’s been rough from both ends as life has always thrown things in our way, but nice that we always had each other to talk to and be there for one another when something is going on in life. We’ve grown and influenced one another in so many ways I think, and I’m so so grateful I’ve got a friend like you man. I’m happy of the guy you’ve become. So much growth has happened in the past four years and you are at your best version yet! You may think otherwise, but you’re such an accomplished individual, binch ur a hot commodity and just tryna make it out here! I know in life, people will always love you for being so thoughtful and tediously caring about people. It’s such a beautiful asset to have and you’ve always made me smile when you go the extra mile for other people. I can’t wait until my kids get to hang out with Uncle Alan as we reminisce in all the craziness that happened in college 🤧 Thank you for being there when I needed it, thank you for always having my back and rooting me on the things I did. Who knows what the future might be but you always know I’m down to live together where we can continue living as we did during hot boi summer 19.
Brandon (Yap)
I’ve been through this before but most people know this guy by the mention of his name since he's been there since day 1 of college. Brandon’s a social butterfly, I mean we both are LOL, but probably his level of extroversion overtakes mine since I’m shYyyyY.
Within all the craziness that’s happened the last couple of months, thank you for being a place where I could forget and live life a bit. From our adventures in the bay and talks in the car about our careers and where they’ll go, being nostalgic about college, probably the most important part I'm most thankful for is that someone was going through the same things and I’m glad that you were there when I thought I was all alone in the bay. I can’t wait to see what’s gonna be in the future cuz I just wanna see you succeed!!! Your mental health and clarity is something I know are affected by your surroundings, and after all the bad work situations you’ve been through, I just want to see you happy and content with the people you work with, and the people in your life. Happy Brandon is something that’s always made me smile. Few people are able to understand the needs of extroverted people like us, and you’re a person that understands the value of human connection as we LITERALLY feed off of the energy of others. That being said, thank you again dude for making me feel less lonely, and always being down, much love!
Avery + Geneva
I wish I had earlier photos of us together but I’m glad we don’t because Y’ALL WE GLO-D up. Few are able to understand growing up SDA, and all the complications that go along with it, but it’s so cool how far we’ve come since middle school! Meeting them both expanded my world view for the first time past the Indonesian SDA bubble I lived in. I’ve always felt cool saying I knew them two since they’re all super popular or whatever 🤪 Always with great taste and super cultured, I believe I became a more well-rounded individual growing up with these two.
For Avery, I’ve always viewed you as someone wiser than myself. The peak of when we solidified our friendship was definitely the times you would drive me home from school that was literally 2 minutes away and we would just talk for a while before you had to leave. What started as just a nice gesture, I really appreciated that you actually chose to stay a couple of minutes (sometimes an hour LOL) just to talk to me. Seems like forever ago but the feeling of being able to talk about life has never expired, and I know it won’t ever will.
For Geneva, in many ways, you’ve stayed so much true to yourself, and I’m certain that whatever change people are seeing is simply a manifestation of what was really there all along. The go-getter in you, the determination, and the creative in you are all just so inspiring to me. I’ve always known you’ve had a lot to say, and while people view you as reticent, you speak louder with your actions since it’s such a flex. I can’t wait until we can all just go hit up new cities talking about our design jobs LOL
I’m glad every time I’m able to talk to you both, there’s this sort of nostalgia that we all revel in as we look back retrospectively on where we all came from, as well as the people we used to be. Both of you have taught me what important roles friends play in as we recognize and embrace each other changes. The vibes are always the same just like they were in middle school. We’ve each got our own realms now, but I love the familiar place I’m able to enter when we’re able to meet. We’re all just chasing our dreams and that’s exactly how it feels.
Jovan
If I recall back to our elementary school, I’m not sure if you know this but back when I went to your church way back when as a regular I always thought you hated me LOL. Always admired you since we were kids and I always longed to hang out with you and Paul since all you guys talked about at the time was Naruto. Somewhere along the way, we got close in middle school on the school bus where you gave me an LG chocolate slider for free (seriously like so nice wtf) and you’d rave about Kanye’s Hey Mama and Big Bang’s Haru Haru. Probably one of the first people that introduced me to music other than our local Christian radio. We eventually always found ourselves back together when it came to singing in high school groups and other related activities. Since then the rest was history.
I’m glad that I’ve grown up with you and as we’ve changed, there were still things that we also could come back to like hiking and going to new places to explore. I still really hope we can do Yosemite one of these days, probably when Rein gets back, man I just hope we see each other soon but I know you’re busY nowadays (man so popular **😖) Time always flies by but whenever we get back together talking about life, I’ve always been thankful that you’re there. Proud of where you are man and can’t wait for the future! Visit me in NorCal when you have the chance man ;)
Ka Icha + Ka Christa
These two have been my older sisters lately :’) Perhaps it was the moment I graduated college but for once I felt as if I was treated equally sort of adult-like since it makes sense now even though they’ve probably been doing that since high school. I still think I’m a child in comparison to y’all. Thank you both for being there and listening to all the craziness that’s gone in my life. I love it when we’re both able to talk, cousin to cousin, without the rest of the family because of the conversations that come about during those times I love. I’m still navigating life and to have someone older to respect my decisions, offer advice, and give input is something I really value.
For Ka Icha, I love the wonderful family you are blessed to have. While of course, it’s definitely not easy, your role as a mother is so important and seeing first hand what good parents you and Ka Vino are is something I hope my family will be somewhere ten years down the line.
For Ka Christa, thank you again so much for being so receptive and wise whenever we are able to meet! Ohana means family and you are the sole person that’s taught me the importance of that statement. Your work ethic and tenacity was always something that inspired me and I wish to become as confident as a person you are! As I said, I know that God always has great things destined in your life and being able to witness it all is amazing.
aaron
aye aye ron. hello bud, I believe around this time marks a full year of knowing you, and what a year that’s been! It was packed with plenty of hangouts, messages, and talks about what’s been going on in our lives, what’s the next film stock or camera to try haha, and places we wanna go see… I’ve seen so much growth in you lately since I first met you and honestly perhaps that comes into growing into your senior year and seeing this growth always has me smiling :)
Life can get in the way and its def been a while, but I’m thankful for you for making my senior year so significant with adventure and new experiences. Thank you for being able to witness it all! I def have expressed how much you mean to me and honestly thank you for being there to hear me out about where I stand creatively and always knowing what to say when I go through my creative ruts. I know you say you’ve never been good with your words, but as I said, there’s been an abundance of growth in that — and probably more than you know. Hearing you be more comfortable on your podcast and on your streams, you have many good things to say and I’m glad the world can finally hear them. The picture that Charlene took of us is honestly one of my favorite photos since it really does encapsulate this special outlook on life. So as life goes on, we’ll just geronimo thru it all, and can’t wait to see what’s next for you in the future!! as always, much love.
Haley
The literal “light of my life”. I met Haley by accident actually. 2019 — Junior year, I always knew this girl was in my food science classes and always in a bunch of them, however, she’s crazy intimidating because she looked really smart and accomplished, and im shYyy. We had alot of mutual friends, and we were even in the same club, but I just never festered up any courage to say hello, until I was sort of forced to when I stumbled on my friend eating at a restaurant I wanted to go eat with him since I never been. Turns out she had exactly the same feeling as I did, and totally thought the same way which was why she also never said anything at first.
We constantly revel in the wasted time that we could have spent during that school year in getting to know each other, but there’s no point in living life in regret, and what matters is the now. We both have trust issues when it comes to friendship, whether the friendships we make are genuine or will last. There were so many conversations I loved being in because they were definitely one of the things that I could only talk with you about.
As I said in a facetime with you recently, I’m not going anywhere and you are definitely invited to my wedding LOL. We had one quarter of getting to know each other before you went on to the world, and I’m so fortunate to still keep up with you despite our busy lives. In the back of my head, I still think I’m going to work for you one way or another even if I do end up your designer! Thank you Haley for being that light when times were dark. “Just talk to Haley” would voice in my mind whenever I felt a certain way, and I always came out of our conversations so thankful to have a friend like you in my life. Thank you for being my literal MOM when it came to trying out new things and experiences. These are moments I hold incredibly dear to my heart and it’s all because of you.
Janelle
I came across Janelle by accident during orientation our freshmen year. I got lost from my group, and just sat down at a random spot. I remember I was fumbling because she was with her roommate, Nejma. I kid you not these two really pretty girls were so nice to me and made me feel so welcome in a brand new community. As time passed we both saw each other since we were in the same hall and it came to the point we had karaoke in my dorm room over Alladin and me helping her out with her wet phone since I had a bag of rice.
We didn’t become close until the summer of junior year where we both had summer classes and hearing that she was just as shy to say hello at the time has us both baffled. I remember both of us were definitely going through a hard time that summer, and knowing that we could both just dig those feelings into studying fueled our healing since those study sessions were filled with conversations about each other and life in general. From there long nights of studying, later nights of fun, and many covers were of a regular.
Janelle, thank you for making those moments so special. Singing and making covers, cooking up some random meal — these were some of my favorite memories and what I appreciated about you so much was your love for health and wellness. You cared about my well-being and my overall state of mind as a person and thank you for hearing it all. I am so honored to be a part of your life moments and witnessing them all truly made me feel loved and special! You made me realize that we do all go through the motions, but the fact that we’re there for each other makes it all the better.
Loving Luncheon
There’s a saying that with your freshmen year friends, only a few will stick by your fourth year since everyone is trying to make friends for the sake of making friends. If a group of eight is considered a few, I will gladly say that statement is true 🙂 If anything, we all became a unit due to being Brandon’s mutuals and all had a shared goal of having lunch at the Segundo dining commons. The fact that every day we planned times to have lunch to prevent one of us from eating alone is a milestone in itself, and considering how hard it can be for all eight of us to get together every quarter, it was honestly unbelievable. To preface, there are so many different characters in this group, validating that the friend groups I have really do make no sense since we’re all different in our own ways.
If I ever needed someone to hang out with, to study with, or to even waste time with, I know that at least one was down for such activities. You all are incredibly smart and talented in your different ways.
- April: Animal lover and my future vet, you are incredibly perfect and the fact you actually take the time to keep up with everyone at the level that you do is insane.
- Zerena: Your illustrations mean so much to me and the world. Thank you for reaching out when I was going through the motions, and someone I can always talk to about design because you GET ME.
- Ben: You have such an introspective mind and I am so glad the world can finally hear those thoughts through your new podcast. Faithful and rational, but still fun and loving.
- Brandon: Incredibly focused, yet a fun spirit. yeah — I already wrote about you LOL
- Charlene: Y’all already knowwwww
- Jonny: A god tier chef with a big brain. Honestly really popular lowkey and has grown so much from being the shy timid guy you may seem.
- Elisa: One of the few that put me in my place. I am powerless against you and you make me feel small — but I love when you feed me. ily. On the real though, so thankful for you, ugh you don’t even know! I miss cackling with you, love.
College may be past us, but I know the feelings will be right when we all get together once again. Granted, we’re all over California too but I know we’ll make it work. Personally, thank you again for being there to hear me out, and witnessing the parts of George very few are able to see. I am so comfortable with y’all and thank you for keeping me level headed. I would not be where I am if it wasn’t for all the experiences we’ve shared.
Hope all is well loves.
Ba + Raf
If you know, you know that Summer 2018 was definitely a rough patch for me after going through something that changed my life drastically. The summer session going into it, I wanted to be alone, and off the radar, almost unnoticed. I’m thankful for these two since for the first time people were friends with me not for my aesthetic, but truly for who I am as a person. Their friendship is what got me through that era of my life, and was the start of a sort of renaissance in my college career. My third year is forever my favorite year in college and these two definitely became a huge reason for it.
Ba stands for “three” in Vietnamese and idk how that came about it our group chat but one thing I realize is that regardless of where we are, or whatever scope we enter, we’re all going through the same thing. To share so many new experiences with both of you is something so special, and I am so lucky to have come across such beautiful people.
Of course, we all know Kevin is hugely popular and “busy” all the time, but someone who was also present later was Rafferty, who I befriended because I needed girl advice HAHA! Rafferty has a sweet spot for people and is always down for a good time and a deep conversation.
- For Kevin, Thank you for making me feel so comfortable and for introducing me to the many things I enjoy now. Listening to rap wouldn’t be present, AAA wouldn’t be in my life, all those photography adventures, and fun nights out.
- Rafferty, thank you for always going the distance (literally sometimes across the bay) to meet us and hang, thank you for being there through it all when I was going through the confusion and witnessing my troubles.
- Lastly, Alexis thank you for being so down for everything. Down to listen to Ariana Grande with me in the car, down to spontaneously go to SoCal the day before, down to walk things out when times get rough for me, and down to explore. ily is an understatement.
We’re all traversing through life at each step of the way, and witnessing each other grow and achieve our dreams is insane. Most importantly, you all were present at these moments and for that, I am forever thankful.
Brandon (Ngo)
2020’s been rough but you my friend are probably the best surprise to come out of it. Born out of a simple DM on Instagram about film photography, who knew it would take us where we’re here now! To be quite frank with you, I really didn’t think much of first impressions, but I can now see what ppl mean when they say you intimidate them LOL Perhaps it’s the success you’ve attained at your age, the way you’re so good with your words, your introspection on life. Or the rbf xD
You’re the newest one of the bunch and funny to think we’ve only hung out three times in person is insane, but thank God for the internet am I right? Talking with you made me realize sometimes people grow up in completely different scopes and man we come from really different worlds LOL. I’m so glad you pulled ur WNRS app cuz dude like it’s moments like those that you just never forget. Small town boy from the IE with a NorCal college town vibe comes across this indie alt kid from OC with such a downtown city persona I’m —
like can you just stop being so cool!!! damn. It’s ok though, you may be the main character, but I will always be the second lead in the kdrama 😈
I’m always so hopeful about your future, and all I hope for is that you are truly happy! You’ve also had a rough year, and seeing you smile makes me smile too. Thanks for all the recent FaceTime calls, being so down to adventure, and the DMCs. Oh yeah and five weeks of straight-up teaching me nbd. I respect you so much, as well as your opinion since your advice truly is a Godsend. As I said before, I’m more a fan of witnessing the adventure, and I’ve seen LA in such a different light because of you of dude. Sometimes I feel imposter syndrome with friends because I don’t view myself as cool, or question myself, what about me really makes these people want to befriend me, but thank you for realizing my value and making me realize I matter. Ultimately, I thank you for being you — selfless, kind, and always thinking of others. haha my fav INFP. Can’t wait for more experiences in the future. Only more memories from here ;)
Where I’m at now:
I’ve recently started a new role at a new company where I’m working at home for the first time since the start of the pandemic and I’m still quietly designing. With a great deal of time at home, I contemplate these people frequently and every day of this month have been so thankful. Every day, I tried to remember all the good times and poured those feelings into writing. I wrote a lot but I cannot stress again how thankful I am for each and every one of you. At the end of the day, words cannot express the feelings I have for you all.
Life can feel really lonely at times, especially when I moved out to the Bay all by myself. What kept me happy throughout all these hard times was realizing that I’m not alone, but I am loved.
As always,
Much love.
p.s.
to whoever needs to read this, look around, and realize the love people have for you. It may not seem like it in the moment, but I assure you —
you are loved.
